(sigh)..............30..............................

So I just turned 30.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

For most of my life a lot of who I am has been defined by being "young." I'm one of the youngest in my family. I have a late birthday so I was always the young one in school. I got married at a really young age so even though I have been a wife and mom for a while, I have always been a "young wife" and a "young mom". And for a long time we were the young couple in the ward, but not so much anymore. Although I've never really considered 30 old........it's not really young either.

There is so much I wanted to accomplish before this mile stone that I haven't.

I don't have a master's degree. (Or even a bachelor's degree for that matter ;)
I have never performed with the Utah Symphony.
I have never spoken before congress.
I have never written a critically acclaimed children's book.
I have never become an award winning pastry chef.
I have never performed with the New York Ballet or in a starring role on Broadway.
I have never recorded a platinum album.
I have never spent time in a third world country giving humanitarian service.
I have never served a full time mission.
I've never been a member of The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
(The list goes on and on........ but I think you get the point ;)

All joking aside.... as I look back on these last 30 years I feel very blessed.
So many wonderful memories.
So many things to be thankful for.
And who knows what the next 30 years have in store for me...........I might even get to cross a few things off my list. :)

The Truth

Ok......I admit it. Lately I've wondered a bit about this choice I made to become a Mom. And not only a mom, but a mom of 5!(counting our little bun in the oven.) With Joe working such long hours and trying to keep up with laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, grocery shopping, cleaning bathrooms, and all the other things that go along with running a household along with piano lessons to teach, callings to fulfill, dance classes, church activities, homework, school activities, and just trying to squeeze a little one-on-one time with the kids. Some days it just feels like too much.

There is never a time when I'm out with all the kids when I don't get stared at or stopped.(Not that I blame anyone. An 8 month pregnant lady pushing a shopping cart around with 4 kids in tow and at least 2 of them crying most of the time is quite a sight.) I get bombarded with questions like, "Are they all yours?" or "How do you do it?" And then there are comments like, "You are crazy!" or one time a lady told me, "I think it's just irresponsible to have that many children!" And I wonder...."Are they right? Am I really up to this?"

More often than not I am humbled and frankly......overwhelmed and discouraged when I think about the responsibility of motherhood. I probably spend too much time agonizing about the things I need to do to improve on.
But the truth is, at the end of the day... (even the long days:)... I feel so privileged to be a mother. I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing. Not just because I love my children. But because of how much I love my children. I think that no other experience I could have in this life could teach me as much about the love the Savior has for us than being a mother. I feel so thankful to be a mother in the gospel, to know the things I know and be able to share them with my children. I love watching them learn new things and shine in their own talents and gifts. I love to see them serving and teaching one another, I love hugs around the knees and how all art projects completed by my kids end up with "To: Mom" written on it somewhere. It's always fun hearing about the latest scoop at school that day. There is nothing better than when your two year old wraps his arms around you and says, "I 'luf' you mom."
I feel motherhood is the opportunity for a woman to reach her full potential here on earth. In my opinion the definition of motherhood is not just someone with kids, but whether you have children of your own or not, mother hood is simply, "Someone who cares for someone else, Someone who puts the needs of others above their own."
To me, Motherhood = Charity.
My goal and I guess my opportunity in this life is to do my best to love up to that definition.

So yes, although I feel tired and inadequate, and It feels like everyone else seems to be doing a better job than I am. I am grateful for the blessing of Motherhood, and I am grateful for all the wonderful examples of motherhood in my life. This weekend I wish a Happy Mother's day to all mothers!